The Journey of my Firstborn

My experience

2009-11-12T21:09:00.005+11:00

Baby has just gone to sleep after crying almost the whole day. She can only manage cat naps in the afternoon, on her own. At each time, it's only 15 minutes or max 30 minutes. Then she wakes up and I offer her a feed, after which she starts crying, then I offer her the breast again in order to calm her down, to which she falls asleep again. The cycle keeps repeating and that's how the day passed. I know of most of the dos and dont's but in practical, it is extremely hard to follow.

Anyway, I'm sure we will catch up to baby's stage but I thought I'd share my birth experience with you. Days leading up to the birth was really filled with much anxiety. My poor mum had to wait an extra 10 days for the baby to arrive. She'd taken unpaid leave to be my confinement lady and if baby's late, it means my 1 month confinement days will be cut short.

Anyways, finally, the day came when I had to be induced. It was on the 9th of September, which was my birthday. We didn't celebrate my birthday at all because everyone was really just focusing on baby's arrival. I was getting impatient (since baby's supposed to arrive on the 1st of September) and the anticipation of the excruciating pain that I was about to experience was simply agonizing. It was like, waiting for punishment, you just don't know whether you can take the pain and the aftermath. Somehow, my heart was just not at peace. Finally, I had to surrender it all to the Lord, my fear, my wish, my worries.. I gave it all to the Lord. Amazingly, I experience such profound peace I've not felt for a long time now. It was then, I knew that I was ready for what come may.

We checked in at 8pm at the birthing suite. Mum and hubby were with me and we made ourselves comfortable in the 5-star like hospital. Hubby checked out the gadgets and especially the tv. Mum just sat around and always ready to be at my service, my best helper. We chit chatted and anticipated whatever's going to happen.

Finally, midwife induced me at about 10pm on the 9th. Mum stayed with me in the hospital whereas I told hubby to go home and take a rest, since it seems I wasn't going to push anytime soon. Midwife then told me to "try to get some sleep", I thought to myself, well okay, will do so to prepare for the "BIG DAY" the next day. The moment I closed my eyes, the pain started. It was 11.30pm. Mum was sleeping by then in a sofa bed next to me. I didn't want to wake her up, what was she going to do if I were to wake her up. So, I bit my tongue and just endured my first contraction.

Then the contraction (period like cramp) started and lasted all through the night. I remembered what the midwife told me, "Try to get some sleep".. I almost wanted to call her in and give her a piece of my mind, what sort of sleep did she mean? Then again, she did say "TRY!"..

Imagine my anguish all through the night. Obviously, I didn't sleep at all. The pain was initially 40 minutes apart. At about 3am, I felt something tickled down my bottom. I thought, hey finally my water break. I quickly went to the toilet and wore a pad. To my dismay, it was blood, all blood. I went back to bed and rested. The contraction then went to 30 minutes apart then 10 then 5 then 3 then 2mins. By almost 7am, I thought I couldn't take it anymore. I walked around the birthing suite and managed to have a conversation with the nurses around. I didn't expect them to show any empathy nor compassion at all because they see women in my state everyday.
When I told a nurse that I can feel the pain like every 2 minutes, she said good, but I'm obviously not even close to the real pain since I am still smiling at her!! I wish I can ask her to
shut up!'. Haha, you can try to imagine the state I was in at that time to feel that way.

Hubby came back to the hospital at 6am to accompany me. Guess, he must be excited that he couldn't sleep too. Finally, my OBG came in at 7am. He said he was going to break the water bag. It was another nightmare too!! I'm not going to explain how he did it, but he just used his hands. So, there you go, let your imagination go wild. It felt like assault to me!! Hubby had to hold my hands. When the OBG broke the water, a big gush of water came out, but surprisingly, I feel like there's not much water. That's why my tummy wasn't huge.

Then OBG told me, I was only 2cm dilated. (Dem after the whole night, I was only 2cm dilated????!!!). Contraction then began to be more and more painful, unlike the night's menstrual cramp. This is like, cramp coupled with backache and you won't even be able to stand although it's better to stand and walk around than lie still. Because I was exhausted from lack of sleep, I couldn't stand the pain. I felt like fainting everytime contraction came.

Hubby asked me to consider epidural, but I thought I was TOUGH!!! (yeah right!!). So I said to him, let's see when the next time doc comes in to check how dilated I am. If the rate is fast, then I might go all natural. But if the dilation rate is slow,then blardy yes, bring on the EPIDURAL!!!

So I endured for 3 hours, did everything I could to stand the pain, but trust me, nothing you do could ease the pain. It just hits you harder each time. I was absolutely exhausted and felt I could just doze off or faint or just collapse and die. Some women I know would sob and cry at this point. I don't understand, I felt anger and frustration rather, than crying.

Finally, my OBG appeared at 10am and checked on me, guess what?? I was only 3 cm dilated!!! Man, for 3 hours, only 1 cm extra??? How long will it be then to wait for 10cm dilated?? That's when I decided to go for epidural. It was the best decision I've ever made. The anesthetist was called in, more equipments were pushed into the room. I was told to curl up and lie on my side. The anesthetist started doing his stuff with hubby beside me, holding my hands all the time. I couldn't see what the anesthetist was doing, but the needle insertion was nothing compared to the pain was already bearing.

I was confined to the bed as the midwife monitored baby's heartrate the whole time. There were a few incident where baby's heartrate just went below 50. That was scary.

Anyway, fastforward, not only did I get to rest a little, but contraction and dilation was faster too. By 12-1 noon, I was already about 6-7 cm dilated. Then finally, at about 3.30pm, doc told me the good news, I was fully dilated and ready to push!

Then again, my whole leg and bottom half were numb. How do I push?? How will I know if I was pushing correctly? ahh... thanks to all the kegel exercises, I've practiced my pushing actually by practicing on how to contract my pelvic floor muscle. So, even when I was numb, I knew that it would have to be my pelvic floor that I was pushing.

So, baby came out pretty fast and easy within 3 contractions and 3 pushes each. At first I thought OBG was gonna turn off or reduce the anesthetic but he didn't. So even when he sewn me up, I felt absolutely nothing!!! How wonderful was that???

Oh, it was amazing and overwhelming when finally baby came out and was placed on me. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was all watery and in disbelief and ...the feeling was just beyond description. Even Andrew was stunned by the very sight of our baby.Best thing was, he carried a baby for the first time and baby Ariel immediately was soothed when he carried her. She didn't cry at all after she was placed in his hands. It was an amazing feeling.

The next few days at the hospital was probably one of the best experience for me too. It was like a 5 star treatment. I could order any food I like from the menu, 3 meals a day not including morning and afternoon tea. There were classes such as breastfeeding class, how to settle baby class, how to bath baby class and etc. It was simply awesome.

I had the baby all to myself and I was fully attending to the baby with so much help and advise from midwives. Mum and hubby came to visit me everyday. I couldn't rest as much as I'd like to, but I was prepared for that. It was one of the best time of my life with a new life. After 4 nights at the hospital, I finally came home. I missed the hospital stay so much that I thought to myself, I would go through pregnancy and delivery all over again just to stay in the hospital again. At the same time, I was excited to bring Ariel back to her new home..

Baby Announcement

2009-11-10T17:35:00.012+11:00

Finally, after what seems like only yesterday, my baby is here. In fact, baby arrived exactly 2 months ago. I thought I should start by introducing my newborn.

Here was the announcement we sent out to all our family and friends.

We joyfully announce the arrival of
our little girl,
Ariel Jia Lyn Lee
on September 10, 2009 at 4pm weighing 3.4kg (7.8 lb) and measuring 49.5cm.
Mum and bub doing well. Thank you and
we can't thank you enough for keeping us in prayers.

Love,
Andrew and Sarah

Choosing a name was perhaps one of the most challenging task for us. We wanted a special name (which parents don't), easy to pronounce, straightforward and of course, a godly meaning. We actually had a list of names which we collected during the first 6 months of my pregnancy, but none which we both could agree on.

Finally, we came across, Ariel. Andrew just casually mentioned, "Ariel, a hebrew name meaning lionness of God". We almost instantly could read each others' mind when Andrew spoke of that name. It sounded perfect! As I kept repeating the name, I knew that was it. Somehow, Andrew too got addicted to calling our unborn baby, Ariel. That's how we got stuck with Ariel. During the final semester of my pregnancy, little did we realise, we had started calling our baby Ariel.

However, we had to decide on the spelling. There is a variant to that name (depending on how you pronounce it), like Arielle, but like how we wanted originally, a simple and straightforward name. Hence, Ariel was it. Another problem we encountered was the pronunciation. So far, there are 3 ways to pronounce it.

1) ah - riel

2) air - riel (like how you would pronounce adam)

3) ey - riel

Again, we find it easier and simpler to call ey - riel.

So, that's how Ariel was named.

Once christian name has been sorted, we weren't too fuss about the chinese name. In a chinese family, traditionally all girls or boys in that same generation will have the same middle name (most common) or second name (less common). Since Andrew's brother (who has 2 girls) started the tradition of using the same second name (Lyn), we thought we should follow suit.

Finally, Jia was decided which means good, auspicious, beautiful, delightful.

Below are some of Ariel's photo when she was 1 day to 1 week old.

It's due! Time for eviction!

2009-09-01T11:59:00.002+10:00

I am due this week and still, baby's not wanting to come out. Asked my doctor if we can induce but he said he'd rather leave it naturally and wait for 7 more days. Oh gosh..

Anyway, had a little scare last night. As I was washing dishes, I felt a gush of water leaking and I was all soaked (Sorry for the gross detail). I was all panicky and excited at the same time and yelled out "Oh no, my water just broke!!".

Immediately, my husband jumped off the couch and yelled out equally loud "OH NO... it's happening tonight". It was darn hilarious, if only I could film his expression!

Anyway, the leaking stopped and I called the hospital for advise. I was told to watch out for more leakings in order to be checked into the birthing suite, but surprisingly, it stopped. All dry, no more leaking, no pain, no nothing. How bizarre! Oh well, as I did some research, it could be:

1. Baby's head pushing further down that I couldn't control my bladder, hence the pee and not amniotic fluid,
2. There's probably a small hole in the sac that contributes to the small amount of leaking.

Anyway, I really want baby to come today. I guess, I shall wash the car later or scrub the floor!

39 weeks now and more prezzies for baby

2009-08-26T03:56:00.006+10:00

Last Thursday was my last day of week. It was so overwhelming for me partly because I wasn't sure if I was going to go back to work and also working for 5 years in the same company, there's got to be some emotional attachment.

Anyway, my great bunch of colleagues gave me a farewell dinner and of course some gifts for the baby too. I was so excited and thrilled when I saw the gifts especially the baby gym which I've been looking for one.

I'm almost there now and everyday I'm just anticipating for baby's birthday. I hope she will be born in September though and ideally, the first would be best. Although 09/09/09 seems perfect but she'll be sharing birthday with me, not that I'm not delighted at all, but there are several reasons why I don't think it's a good idea.
1. She'll be a week late (my mum can't wait too long here as she needs to head home by the end of Sept).
2. I don't want to put my child in a situation in the future where she has to decide whether to spend her birthday with mum or with her special someone or her friends. I want her to be free and make decisions such as this without any guilt feeling. (sigh, I know, I think too far ahead).

But nevertheless, I'm going to leave it to God and let her arrive whenever she's ready.

Alrighty, physically I'm fine except since last week, my hands and feet are bloated. I've not had any swollen hands nor feet until then but suddenly, my wedding ring felt tight in my fourth finger that I had to take it off.

Blood pressure is still perfect and weight gain stands at 15kg.

I am, however worried about IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) although I'm sure my OB would have picked it up. Reason for this fear was I didn't think my tummy was as large as it should be for most women during last couple of weeks of pregnancy. Then again, my weight gain was pretty constant so that should alleviate my fear.

Anyway, a good friend graciously took a maternity picture of me and it was so wonderful to see how tummy was different now from 2nd trimester.

At Second trimester (photos courtesy of Leanne Sim)

At Third trimester (photos courtesy of Leanne Sim)

Baby's first gift

2009-08-13T20:02:00.003+10:00

Got back to work on Wednesday after taking a day off on Tuesday. Had a great afternoon nap, all that I needed to recover from a few days of sleepless nights.
Anyway, got to work and was 10 minutes late, only to be called into the office by my boss. To my surprise, he handed me a bag of gifts for the baby, from his daughter.
I have possibly the best boss in the world, and we are so close to him that he's always inviting us to his home for a BBQ with his wife and children.

And because his daughter just had a baby a few months back, I thought I'd seek some advise from her of which we quickly became friends. Hence, the gifts! It was so very nice and kind of her.

I think I am more thrilled than anything to receive new things for the baby, especially the toys! Baby's been having all hand-me-downs so far, so it's nice to have something new once in a while. =)

36 weeks update

2009-08-08T16:50:00.003+10:00

Again, been having lots of Braxton-Hicks contraction. I also notice the tummy is moving further down, probably means baby's engaging and preparing for labour. I've been having sleepless nights again, but I guess it's because of the excitement and fear that labour could be anytime. I hate the feeling of anticipation. No wonder people opt for C-section. It's easier for everyone, and you know exactly when baby's coming. You can even choose the best date and time for the baby to come into the world.

But that's not the point, you see. I like everything to take its natural course. Baby will arrive in her own time, and I'd like to see how and when she chooses to arrive.

I have a serious dilemma though, epidural or not?

Well, first stop, epidural is also painful, insertion of needle and when the anaesthetic wears off, you still feel the pain, regardless. So why pay so much to, well... still feel the pain. Probably you can rest when you're on epidural and you can be spared from the 8-12 hours of pain during contraction and dilation, but ultimately you still need to push the baby out!

How I wish there's no option. Surely people tend to lean towards the easier option. If I want epidural, I might as well go for C-section! Anyway, my mum always say I have a very high level of pain treshold. But I'm not sure about now. I've learnt to love myself more and more each day. I might chicken out last minute and just go for epidural.

Oh baby, please be good to mummy!

Latest baby's position

2009-08-06T19:47:00.003+10:00

Just saw my OB today and have confirmed that baby's position is left lateral-posterior. Ob also mentioned that there's nothing we can do with the position because baby's constantly moving and trying to engage her head in the cervix. Oh well, we can only pray for a smooth delivery. Oh yeah, Ob also said there's a huge difference between anterior and posterior position, as much difference as a vaginal birth and a C-section.

A posterior position will mean a longer birth, unfortunately. =(

Pray pray pray for me please!

Packing my hospital bag

2009-08-03T17:54:00.003+10:00

I've been gaining weight steadily, currently weight stands at 13kg, which is perfect as I've only 1 more month to go. Blood pressure's perfect too, and has been 100/60 all throughout pregnancy.

Anyway, I was talking some new mums, basically fishing for advice and I've been reminded again to start packing my bag, cuz I'll never know when baby's coming.

So, finally I've done it a few days ago and here's the list:

For Me

Birth plan – in case they ask
Personal details – medicare Card, HCF customer number, antenatal card
Clothes

o Pyjamas – sarongs (x2), pants, baggy t-shirts, front button shorts
o Inner garments – undies, maternity feeding bras (x2), usual bra
o Check out from hospital – dress?
o Thick socks
o Towel
o Face towel (x2)
o Hot water bottle
o Sweater/warm jacket

Toiletries

o Shampoo, soap, comb, toothbrush & toothpaste, deodorant, powder, elastic band,
skin care products, small packet of tissue, plastic bag for dirty laundry, make up

Essentials

o Breast pads, sanitary pads, nipple cream, slipper

Notepad and pen
Snacks – lollies/biscuits

For Andrew

Change of clothes – shirt, pants, pyjamas, underwear, etc
Snacks
Movies – Boston Legal
PS2
Laptop

For missy

Car Seat
Outfit for trip home
Baby blanket
Receiving blanket
Nappies, wipes
Socks, mittens, hat
Muslin wraps
Toiletries

o Shampoo (J&J), Bath (Top to Toe), Baby's lotion, Baby's oil, Powder, Cotton buds,
Cotton wool, pacifier

Last minute items

Mobile phone
Camera/charger
Hair dryer
Handbag

I know, you must think I'm packing like I'm going for holiday! haha.. well, I get to stay at this very expensive hospital, with my own room for 5 days. Best of all, my private health fund pays for the accommodation, so what the heck! I'm going to enjoy my stay there as long as I can.
Hopefully I don't miss anything.

35 weeks

2009-07-29T19:24:00.006+10:00

I'm 35 weeks this week. Been having Braxton-Hicks contraction on and off. It feels particularly weird when baby kicks too hard and you can actually feel her feet. It's amazing how I can actually play with her. She doesn't seem to like it when I try to move/touch my belly button, as it probably pulls the umbilical cord. She will try to move around and shift her position, although she can't really do that anymore.

Her head is still at the constant position, ie at the bottom.

I have been trying to figure out what position is baby in.

Below are a few which I know is definite but couldn't figure out which out of the three. Baby's feet is kicking on top of my right rib and baby's been having hiccups everyday, and I can feel it at the bottom near my pubic area, which is how I was sure baby's head's down, ready for labour soon.

Left Posterior

Left Lateral

Left Anterior

Apparently, the best position for labour is anterior as labour is nearly always shorter and easier if the baby is anterior.

If baby is in posterior position,

Your waters are more likely to break at the beginning of labour.
You have a lot of backache during and in between contractions.
Labour is slower.
You may need forceps to help you give birth to your baby.

Baby's been having hiccups everyday and everytime, it last about 5-10 minutes. At first it was quite annoying, it feels like very strong heartbeat and it just distracts you from working. But when I learnt that it all indicates baby's lung is developing and preparing itself to function when baby comes out, I was okay with it. Meaning to say, baby needs to hiccup.

Alrighty, that's all for now. Dinner time!

Preparation for baby's arrival

2009-07-19T15:26:00.010+10:00

God has truly been faithful and good to us. Slowly but surely, friends are passing us baby stuffs which means, there's really not much for us to spend on. Personally, I think it's a waste of money to buy brand new stuffs for baby although of course, it's always nice to have new things.

I have been spending minimally on baby. Even maternity clothes are hand-me-downs. I only had to buy a couple of pants and inner garments, but that's really it. It's winter now and I've been wearing hubby's warm jacket everywhere I go. I didn't feel the need to be fanciful with clothings, so didn't bother to get nice maternity clothings.

Our church members and friends have been really gracious and kind to us to pass us most of the essentials. So, we are forever grateful and thankful. Some of things we've collected so far are:

1. Avent milk bottles and teethers

2. Milk bottle sterilizer

3. Changing table

4. Stroller

5. Baby's bag and clothings

6. Baby's feeding chair (for later use, given to us by our landlord's daughter and is currently stored in our landlord's home). It looks something like this and is also brand new,

7. Bassinette
Not sure how it looks like as we will be getting them later on. A basinette is basically this:

7. Baby's bed
Bought the mattress and bed sets from Ikea during its half-year clearance sale. But I guess, it's a little too big for baby. Perhaps, I will only use it when baby's slightly older.

8. Baby's capsule
Got this from Salvos for only 8 bucks! How cool is that? Since baby only uses capsules until they are about 6 months old, I thought I'd just make do with this one and get a car seat for her later on.

Since we haven't got a new place, there won't be any baby room, unfortunately. I do envy friends who specially dedicated a room for their newborn baby, with all the nice little baby trinkets, furnitures and etc. Oh well, I'm thrilled regardless with baby's arrival, which will be soon, very soon =)

33 weeks

2009-07-18T11:15:00.002+10:00

Lately, growth has been tremendous that I've been having rib pain on my left side 3 days in a row now. I'm carrying the baby high (usually a girl, so they say as opposed to carrying low, which is a boy). The uterus/baby is pushing against my rib and so I find it extremely hard to sneeze or cough or laugh even. I don't know how long this will last but it seems nothing I do eases the pain. Thank God however, I slept well last night by just sleeping on my right.

I am getting impatient now, I'm so anxious to have baby out. But I've got to be patient. I pray against any problems that might cause harm to the baby or having to deliver baby prematurely.

This is such an exciting time.

32 weeks and counting

2009-07-12T12:26:00.005+10:00

Other than the fact that I catch cold quite easily these days, pregnancy has been enjoyable.

Current weight gain stands at 11.5kg. From my latest scan, baby has gained more weight as can tell from her rounded face. I am so excited that she looks more like Andrew ie she inherited his nose (which I'm most glad) and his mouth (not too glad). haha! Still, it has a nice shape!

She's been been very active and I have to watch out for movements every other minute as I have some concerns after I saw the scan. The umbilical cord was wrapping around her neck although Doppler ultrasound (use to measure blood flow in this instance, the umbilical cord) shows the cord was just resting on her neck and not AROUND her neck. Still, if her movements and growth are causing the cord to restrict around her neck, I'm afraid she'll suffocate.. oh dear God. Please see to this matter!

Over the past month, tummy has been growing so fast and when I finally look at my tummy in the mirror one day, I was amazed at how big my tummy was. I am glad I haven't put on weight on any other part of my body, just the tummy and a little in my bum and thigh. Breast wise, hm, I think it only grew half a cup to my disappointment. But amazingly, I am starting to leak milk or rather colostrum (as milk only comes after delivery). So, there you go, the amount of breastmilk does not correlate with the size of the breast. Anyone, can breastfeed!

Sleeping has been difficult. Though my sleep has been cut short every time I make a trip to the loo in the middle of the night, I have had good quality sleep. Never once baby wakes me up with her hyperactive movement and strong kicks. When I try to lie very still, she thinks I'm asleep, so she doesn't move, but the moment I start moving, she will be kicking non-stop. At times, I'm so sure I can feel her tiny fingers scraping the wall of my tummy. It is so hilarious!

Here are some of her latest scan photos:

24 weeks now

2009-05-15T22:21:00.007+10:00

Somehow, I feel time is passing a little too slow.. probably because I can't wait for my baby's arrival. Thank goodness I have been well so far, praise the Lord. I have not fallen sick at all since being pregnant.. morning sickness doesn't qualify as sickness because they are primarily symptoms of being pregnant. Being in the 2nd trimester is absolutely awesome. I am able to eat anything and everything albeit in a smaller portion but more times a day. I have been enjoying dessert (all those sinful calories that I used to avoid feeding my body) like never before. I am enjoying every moment of my pregnancy.

Anyway, baby is doing fine. Kicking so much and probably doing lots of somersault in her tiny confinement space. If she's really going to be tall and thin and beautiful, I will consider taking her to ballet lessons or even be a gymnast! I think I am one of those mums who will make their children live dreams which they never had. Oh well, that's when my husband will exercise his authority by putting a stop to all my unrealistic desire.

We have a name in mind for the baby, but dare not make it known publicly because finding out baby's gender through ultrasound is never 100%. Moreover, I found out about baby's gender at 17-19 weeks. So, that might be a little too early to confirm. So, personally I am having some reservations until the day of delivery.

If you ask me if I have any preference for baby's gender, well, I would be lying if I say no. I'm sure everyone prefers something over another. Having said that, it doesn't mean that, what you prefer less would mean rejected, in spiritual sense. Of course I thank the Lord, whichever he decides to give, because He knows what is best for me which I definitely don't for myself.

Anyway, my ideal family would be 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. That's my dream family. Hopefully, my husband would be keen to have more children after our first child! =)

Talking of which, I have to mention this. I have such a wonderful husband, if not the best in the world. He made some chicken essence for me the other day, and I was so surprised he knows how to double boil a chicken. When I asked him, how he knew it, he then told me the story of how his dad taught him when he was a teenager, to cook for his future pregnant wife. I was so touched to have such a great father in law who seriously knows how to pass down good teaching and knowledge. This is how a father should be. Well, to proove that Andrew did what his dad taught him, here's some pictures.

It's a GIRL!!!

2009-04-18T17:48:00.003+10:00

I should have announced it before but anyway, I'm sure it's not too late to announce to the world that we are expecting a baby GURLLLL!!! =) I'm so excited. I have already planned for all the things I want to do with my little girl. I'm thinking about ballet, swimming, gymnastic, singing and all the activities for her. I was hoping that if it's a boy, Andrew can have a basketball mate. But Andrew chided me, saying why can't a girl play basketball too? Hehe, of course she can.

There's so much to plan and it is easier to plan knowing the sex of the baby. It does make a difference of course, buying clothes and suitable equipments and etc for the baby. I just can't wait to hold the baby in my arms. I can't wait to see Andrew's expression when he holds his baby for the first time. =)

I have a couple of friends telling me that my baby looks like a boy to them, by looking at the scan photos (that was before I told them baby's gender). However, I'm not surprised because the baby does look more like Andrew than me, I'm particularly worried that the baby might inherit Andrew's mouth, which apparently, she does!! =)She looks rather boyish! That's all I can decipher from the scan photos for now. I am absolutely thrilled and I cannot wait for the baby to arrive.

Anyway, I've started knitting again, well this time crocheting rather. I was thinking of something that I can do with all the yarns I've been collecting, so perhaps a blanket for the baby to keep her warm. She's going to be a spring baby and hopefully the weather will be mild for her.

Here's what I started doing just today.

I'm still figuring out how to sew them together since it's my first attempt. =) We shall see.

Some 3D photos of my baby

2009-04-11T12:57:00.006+10:00

Here's a video of all the scan photos we had so far. Te 4D scan costed me AUD310. Price ranges from $280 - 310. If you can, try to go to a place where they bulk-bill and make sure you book earlier.

The baby apparently is fine and healthy but I was told I had a slightly lower placenta (placenta praevia). The distance between the placenta and my cervic is about 2.2cm and the right distance should be at least 2.5cm. Although there's still plenty of time for the placenta to go higher, depending on obstetrician, I might have to opt for a C-section. I wasn't too happy upon hearing this news. I so wanted a natural birth no matter how painful it might be.

How placental praevia comes to be is when implantation probably occurs later and/or the implantation occured close to the cervic. When this happen, a C-section is inevitable depending on the level of placental praevia.

As you can see, my type of placental praevia is still yet to be confirmed and can only be determined at about 30 weeks onwards. Meaning to say, I have to book and pay for another scan. Sigh, now I have to worry about the cost of a C-section in Sydney.

Please pray for a normal and smooth delivery for me. Thanks, everyone!

More updates

2009-04-11T12:36:00.006+10:00

I have been a terrible mummy. I went back to Malaysia and I committed some serious crimes about pregnancy.

1. First of all, I permed my hair. Apparently, the chemicals used can be absorbed through the scalp and into the bloodstream. Although I have already entered the second trimester then, it was still a no-no for mothers-to-be to even perm or dye their hair during pregnancy. I was so oblivious and stupid enough to not realize it before hand until the strong chemical smell actually 'wake' me up my smacking me hard on the head.

2. I had not once, twice but three meals of bakuteh. This was of course not my fault because I cannot impose on my family to eat only what I, the pregnant woman wants to eat. So, I had to go along with others. Bakuteh is quite hard to tell whether it's actually harmful to pregnant women because no one knows for sure what sort of herbs the shops use to make the soup. One of the dangerous herbs is dong-quai which is not good for pregnant women.

3. I had a row with my dad and thought for an instant that I was going to lose my baby. I should have taken things easy and not let anything affect my mood.

Neway, just wanted to update you all with this precious little one of mine.

I am currently 19 weeks going to be 20 soon. Baby is doing extremely fine. Had a scan a couple of days ago and this scan is called the 19-week scan or fetal anomaly scan. As the name tells it, it is used mainly to detect any major abnormalities in the baby. The sonographer basically checked for every part of the body, head, brain, facial structure, hands, legs, tummy, kidney, heart and spine.

All in all, my baby's doing really well. Praise the Lord!

NT Scan

2009-02-24T16:25:00.001+11:00

Words cannot begin to describe how I felt when I saw my baby at the scan today. Every part of the baby is formed and now, it's just the matter of the baby growing bigger.

I'm just lost for words now, I shall post when I am more composed. Need to let reality sink in... =)

Update at 11 weeks+

2009-02-21T09:53:00.003+11:00

Thank God, my morning sickness has reduced dramatically since the last 2 entries of my blog (I'm sorry, I can't help to think this is the worst thing that's happening to me now. The 'real' thing is yet to come!)

Did a serial blood test, and all pregnancy markers were excellent, even my boss said I would not get any better result than that!! So, baby's doing extremely well despite me giving in to KFC cravings ever so often now. Gosh, you cannot believe how wonderful 'wicked wings' taste like during pregnancy for me. It's like my ultimate meal! Still, I take my folic acid and multivitamins AND fish oil regularly, so probably that's why the good countered the bad! (I AM justifying my act, sorry baby!).

My next scan will be this Monday. Hubby is going to accompany me and I can't wait to see the look in his face when he sees how big the baby has grown.

Finally... *sigh* I am going to find out about my baby's gender by next week (not by scan). I so wanted to leave it as a surprise but I guess, it will only make names choosing process more complicated and unnecessary. Plus, hubby is so keen to find out. So, we shall see.

I'm off for holiday soon. Will keep you all updated through my blog. Ciao!

Update at 10 weeks +

2009-02-10T18:36:00.004+11:00

Had a scan last Thursday and baby has grown to about 9.2cm in length in 3 weeks!!

I saw the heartbeat beating stronger than before and I was so proud of my little one doing so well .

Also did an initial blood test. All was fine except that my PAPP-A reading was slightly higher although my boss said it's not a problem. It's only a problem if the reading is very low. Most pregnancy will not thrive should PAPP-A level be too low. So, my boss said my baby is very strong! Probably just to encourage me and ease my mind.

I'll be doing another blood test on the 18th and a nuchal scan on the 23rd of this month before I see my obstetrician the second time on the 26th. Oh, did I mention my obstetrician is a very nice man, probably in his 50s. He is quite well-known too apparently. For that, I am so glad I managed to book him early.

As for how I've been feeling for the past few weeks, nausea has eased tremendously although it still lingers mainly in the morning and after 6pm. Another not so good news is that I'm starting to have backache. Oh no, the 'joy' of being pregnant finally hits. It's affecting my sleep as well. Soon, I'll be so worn out that I will look like a haggard old lady. Pregnancy really does wear you off, and if you don't do something about it after giving birth, that's it. Most women just go physically downhill from there.

But having said that, I'm going to eat whatever I feel like eating.. yes, I'm using being pregnant as an excuse!! I'm so looking forward to my trip back to Malaysia soon. My first meal would be char kway teow at SS2!!!!

8+ weeks update

2009-01-24T14:47:00.009+11:00

Things were not too good for me the last month. I had been feeling sick almost everyday, thanks to the common problem most pregnant women experience ie morning sickness. It affected me the whole day. Initially I was hungry almost every couple of hours, then soon, when morning sickness became worse, I couldn't eat almost everything. Everything that I try to take in, I just feel worse, nothing helps.

Then just the last couple of days, miraculously, it got better. It was like within that hour when it all happened. The feeling was precisely that when you are sick from a fever and then your mind became clearer and you gain more energy. Perhaps it was also the ginger drink which hubby made for me. He also cooked some nice and healthy homecook food for me. So, it all got better since then. Praise the Lord and thank you for such a great husband.

Note: Apparently ginger tea/ginger drink relieves nausea.

I haven't been going to gym as regularly before. Mainly because I was paranoid and I wasn't sure which exercise would be fine to perform. I am also waiting for my next appointment with an instructor to give me a new fitness regime. So meantime, I only do 20-30 minutes of brisk walking, chest, shoulder and back exercise. All however with a much lower weights than normal. But I am not satisfied at all. Doctor advised me not to get my body overheated as it's harmful for the baby. So, I haven't been sweating profusely like before for 2 months now. I feel so unhealthy.

To my pleasure, I found a few workout routine for pregnant women which I will be doing later on in my pregnancy. Here's to share with you the exercise workout that all pregnant women can follow.

WARM UP

CHEST AND TRICEPS

BACK AND BUTT

BICEPS AND LEGS

YOGA

One of the most bizarre revelation!

2009-01-20T17:44:00.003+11:00

Like all routine prenatal check-ups, GP will submit all pregnant patients for blood and urine test. Blood test is mainly to test for blood group, rubella, STDs, Hepatitis B and C, full blood count and etc. Urine test is to check for UTI (urinary tract infection), protein and sugar (so as to make sure there's no problem with kidney and bladder).

I got all my initial results back whereby all results were normal and perfect within range except for 2 tests.

The first was my urine test which showed a high level of leukocytes which indicates UTI or some sort of an infection. However, if there really is infection, I would experience some obvious symptoms but I have none whatsoever. I consulted some medical people at work and they said to tak the test again because it depends on how you collect the urine sample. Probably that's why, it was the way I collected the urine sample.

The second test was more of a shock to me, as I found out that my blood group is O (which I've known all along) but Rhesus group negative!!! That's a BIG O NEGATIVE!!! It's just unbelievable!! Let me explain why.

All along, all my life, I thought I was positive. My whole family's blood group is O hence, I have no doubt that I am O, but according to my mum, both of them are positive. What people don't know is RH factor is inherited in an autosomal recessive manner which mean, both parents can be positive (but heterozygous for Dd) and 1/4 of the children will be negative because the child inherited the dd from the parents.

At first, I thought it was a blunder, a serious blunder. Mind you, the pathology who did the test is where I work!!! Then I went to another pathology to have it checked or re-confirm if you like.

So, today, I got back the report.

Urine test, perfectly fine. Doctor showed me how to collect the sample, well not literally but taught me at the doctor's room using the tap as an example. A mid-stream collection is what's needed and the way you collect them, is by letting the urine flow, and then put the jar in between to collect it. It's not the other way where you hold the jar, and then pee into it! Some people may know, but I don't. Quite silly I thought to myself. I should know. I'm in this field!!!

Then to my horror, my blood group has been confirmed as O negative!! It's just unbelievable. I don't even know where to start explaining that I am not negative!!

The whole irony is I actually did my masters research on RhD and I even used my own blood sample as controls. I used PCR and it clearly showed I am positive!! But, little does the laboratory know that there are so many RhDs, there's partial D,weak D and even del-D. I could be anyone of them and not just a plain NEGATIVE!!

Oh well, no need to fuss about it now. It's just a totally unexpected finding. Oh, if you don't know why I'm making such a big issue out of the rhesus factor, let me explain why.

All RhD negative mothers are posed with a problem if she's expecting a RhD positive baby. Placenta acts as a barrier between mother's red blood cells and baby's. If it's the first child, the baby will be safe and pregnancy can be carried to term. It's only when sensitising even occurs when baby's blood is mixed with mother's blood that the mother will then react to the D antigen from the baby. Sensitising event occurred mainly during labour, miscarriage, abortion, abdominal injury and even any medical intervention such as amniocentesis and chorionic villus sampling.

Once sensitising occured, the initial immune response is primarily composed of IgM, a class of immunoglobulin of high molecular weight released into the blood early in the immune response. This is then replaced later by IgG of lower molecular weight which is produced after 8-10 weeks of secondary exposure, that is the 2nd or subsequent pregnancy. IgG includes the most common antibodies circulating in the bood, that facilitates phagocytic destruction of microorganisms foreign to the body. Ironically, IgG is the only class of immunoglobulin that can cross over the placenta from the mother to the fetus causing antibody-antigen reaction with the fetal blood.

In this case, the IgG produced by the maternal immune system will destroy fetus' red bood cells resulting in fetal anaemia (eg jaundice), erythroblastosis fetalis (eg brain damage)and if untreated, death of the baby.

Sounds scary, isn't it? But the good news is, there is intervention and help by injecting Anti-D which prevents sensitisation from happening hence the mother will not develop antibodies to attack baby's red blood cells.

So, since I can't convince my obstetrician that I am positive, I will have to submit myself to the unnecessary anti-D injection. Sigh, what a revelation only to be discovered at this point of my life.

Morning sickness

2009-01-16T22:07:00.004+11:00

I've always thought I will be fine with pregnancy and hoped that I will cruise through pregnancy with ease. How wrong! Perhaps, I have never really vomitted, in my whole life probably on 2 accounts I can barely even remember. The point is, I seldom vomit and not much nausea in my whole life, so I cannot really fathom the real feeling during pregnancy. However, since the start of my pregnancy, I already had nausea and my morning sickness only got worse and there were days it were so bad that I literally felt so sick I hardly have the mood to do anything.

Up to now, I am so over nausea even the slightest hint of the feeling just makes it even more revolting. I know.. I am supposed to enjoy my pregnancy. I guess, this is the price to pay for being pregnant. 9 long months, gosh.. I hope my morning sickness will go away soon enough.

I've heard many stories about how pregnant women crave for certain food and how some food even the smell appeals to them even more than before. I guess, I understand why they feel that way now. Personally, it's not craving. It's just food which I reckon, will ease the nausea for example now I only want to take hot noodle soup and anything well, warm. It somehow just helps to soothe the discomfort my body is experiencing. So, it's not that I can't live without certain food, hence not the so-called cravings but rather something to help me feel better.

On another note, I have been eating like a famished animal. I get hungry literally every 2 hours. And then I realized this is going to be detrimental if I continue eating the amount I'm eating and at the rate I'm going. Instead, I started eating snacks like munching an apple, some mixed nuts, some cookies, some wholemeal bread with avocado spread (my favourite) and etc. It's so hard to get any hot food at work, as all they have to offer is pasta. I am so over pasta and it's not as yummy as kway teow soup, tom yum soup.. hm..

Today, Andrew said something which really is beyond my expectation and truly, I was surprised. He said he's actually looking forward to have the baby!! Oh... those words really melt my heart. From someone who was so adamant about not having kids and is put off even with the idea of having kids to utter these words, it's just amazing. How God can change things and soften one's heart. I was worried sick for nothing, afraid he can't cope with kids, afraid he will break down when the kids are so disobedient and so on.

Lesson to be learned from here is to totally submit to God and rely on Him. As children of God, we cannot be fearful about the future for we know that for those who love God, that is, for those who are called according to his purpose, all things will work together for good (Romans 8:28).

That's all the update for now.

First glimpse of my baby

2009-01-12T21:14:00.007+11:00

What an exciting day! It was my dating scan and although I know I'm exactly 7 weeks today, it's probably still very early for dating scan. But I wanted it to be this week so that my sister gets to see the tiny baby before she leaves for Malaysia. It's recommended 8 weeks for dating scan therefore, the dating will be a little inaccurate I assume.

Boy or girl, it's my least worry. It was such an overwhelming experience to see my tiny baby and knowing that his or her heart is beating. It's amazing that you feel as though you are able to sacrifice everything for your own child, even though you haven't even known the baby. Even my husband is beginning to comprehend the impact this baby will have in our lives.

I think I will be a crazy mummy, one who adores her own children like anything. Anyway, I had the scan and Andrew was beside me. I couldn't even tell what's on the computer yet he nodded as if fully understood what the pictures showed when the sonographer explained to us. He was probably in a disbelief state seeing his own child, so tiny so fragile. How can a tiny little thing grow into a human being? What marvelous creation of God! Who can think of such thing? I cannot believe there are atheists in the world! Pathetic people!

We were told, there's only 1, of course, I don't think we can handle two or more babies at any time. It measures roughly about 6mm. Apparently, I ovulated on my left ovary, hence the yolk sac on the left side of my uterus. Everything is fine, although I may be a little too early for the scan. But it's alright, the second scan will adjust the dates and biochemistry accordingly.

Just to fill your curiosity and of course, for my keepsake, I scanned the image to share with you all. There are 2 cross signs if you can see which indicates the whole length of the baby.

(click on the picture to see a clearer image)

Private or Public

2009-01-08T22:17:00.002+11:00

Soon after I found out that I am pregnant, my next step is to decide whether to deliver my baby in a private or public hospital. Little did I realize, what a decision to make.

There are lots of factors to consider. Although I would like to think of myself as healthy and I truly believe there will not be much of a complication as my mum had not experience any complications at all with the three of us. Well, they say it's something to do with genetic although I have not known any gene which account for smooth delivery.

Anyway, I have sort of made up my mind to go to a private hospital partly because I have a private health fund which I have been paying like sky-high every month. This private health fund covers accommodation which is a major part of the expenses. Then the other part of the expenses are the obstetrician fees. Apparently, the patient has to choose from a list of obstetricians and then book them way in advance or else, all the good ones will not be available. Goes to show that it's important to find out about your pregnancy as soon as possible. In Australia, medicare pays for 80% of the expenses if it hits the gap. Well, a bit too complicated to explain now but basically, I am paying probably bout 1-2 K for the delivery if it's a vaginal delivery.

Since my lab has some affiliation with the hospital I'm going to, my boss was kind enough to recommend some good and kind obstetrician. The doctor that I've finally decided on apparently charges more reasonably than other female doctors of which the reason the latter doctors are doing so is because there aren't many female obstetricians around, so they are very high in demand.

The hospital that I'm going to is North Shore Private Hospital or in short NSPH. Another reason for choosing a private hospital is that I was told by some friends should I face complication, I will need a good obstetrician, else in public hospital, without your own obstetrician, they will place a somewhat more junior doctor to be in charge of me. That's a pretty scary thought, although I don't know how true and reliable that is.

It's funny that, I've always thought that going to a private hospital is unnecessary and probably over-rated. I thought there should definitely be some good doctors in public hospital. How things changed when you are going through pregnancy yourself. My trust is so frail when I'm facing pregnancy now.

So, for now, I'm basically all set with the bookings and appointments. My next step is to wait for my first scan ie dating scan on the the 12th.

Lean not on your own understanding

2009-01-04T17:43:00.000+11:00

Yesterday, we went to a farm house for a gathering to farewell a couple who's going back to Singapore for good. I wasn't sure if I wanted to break the news to EVERYONE else the attention will be so embarrasing although a couple of them knew about it.

Anyway, we had barbeque and I told hubby beforehand that I cannot take raw meat as they may contain salmonella which is harmful to the baby. Hence, he has to tell the host to cook it in the oven specially for me. From there, everyone got to know I AM pregnant and everyone congratulated me and etc.. I still had some reservations about telling the whole world so early but I guess today's sermon really spoke to me.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" ~ Proverbs 3:5.

Trust in the Lord that He will help the baby grow healthily to full term (Technically, we should be using the word 'fetus' and not baby but I think my baby is a person hence I'd like to call my baby, baby!).

I am almost a very careful person and I cannot remember the last time I tripped or fall a hard fall. Guess what, I fell at the barbeque!! Everyone was almost panicking but thank God, I supported myself using my hand. Also, because I am a dancer, dancers know how to fall down correctly. Hence, I am pretty sure the baby's fine.

Two days ago, I committed the worst sin ever for a pregnant woman. I was so foolish and ignorant that I ate brie cheese. Hubby already suggested I don't take cheese but I completely ignored him! Cheese such as Brie, Camembert and Danish Blue should be avoided as they are prone for bacteria growth which is listeria and is really harmful to the baby. Yet, I was eating it away happily thinking 'geez, this is a great source of calcium!' How foolish!!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" ~ Proverbs 3:5.

Again, the verse above spoke to me especially the latter part. I was totally ignorant and thought I knew it all, but I obviously my judgment was flawed. I can only pray that God be merciful and gracious to us and grant us both good health throughout the whole pregnancy.

Yesterday, I spoke to my sister in law who advised me not to climb the stairs too much. Unfortunately, I live above a double garage, so I have no choice but to climb the stairs everydays. Everyday, I thank God and give Him praise that I don't have any spotting/bleeding.

After church today, I went with my sister for a long walk around the city. It was tiring but I didn't feel any pregnancy symptom. Personally, I'd prefer to have some symptoms so that I know the baby is growing and is still there. But in all situation, I will praise the Lord.

Ok, that's about the update for now. Adios!

Holding onto God's promise

2009-01-01T19:37:00.000+11:00

Negative thoughts plagued my mind yesterday. Suddenly, the thought of losing my baby through miscarriage was so strong that I was constantly checking on my symptoms every 5 minutes, was my breast hurting, was I feeling nauseous, any pain from the stomach?

Somehow, yesterday was symptom free which worsen my fear. The only thing I should look out for should I miscarry, is bleeding, but there was nothing close to that, so far everything was perfectly normal. This led to feel that the satan is obviously threatened by this baby and is envious with this gift. Surely the devil doesn't want another child who will worship the Lord, who will grow up fearing the Lord, hence the devil is planting all these thoughts in my mind.

Therefore, I cannot succumb to the devil's scheme. I should know better. Thanks to my aunt who prayed for me over the phone, to denounce these thoughts and to hold on to God's promise. My best friend, YLi also told me that "if the Lord has given a baby to us, He'll protect the baby even at sperm and egg stage until his gray hair days". Amen, and I shall claim that promise!

Still, the weak human of me couldn't sustain the confidence and comfort that was given to me from God. Today, I heard from a friend that his wife had bleeding/spotting on and off at 6-7 weeks and just did a D&C. I am not even 6 weeks and the next stage of my baby's growth is the heartbeat. So, that isn't something I want to go through.

Alright, so this is when faith is testing.

Anyway, as I should be doing, I called up the hospital to book for my first hospital visit, which I don’t even know what it’s all about. Apparently it will be a two hour session with a midwife, so what do we do there? I have no idea.

The hospital then told me to book an appointment for ultrasound. I called and was then told that I should basically have 3 scans;

1. Dating Scan – to determine fetal heartbeat and date the fetal’s age basically. This will then determine the right time to do the follow-up scan. This however is done if the last menstrual date (LMP) or the first day of your last period was not known or unreliable. So for my case, this scan is a total WASTE of money as I’m 101% sure of my LMP. I can even tell my sonographer my conception date if she wants, because there were only 2 dates! Ok, kids don’t let your mind wander away. Back to serious topic.

This scan cost ~ $190, medicate rebatable $50.

2. Nuchal Translucency (NT) Scan – In Australia, this is compulsory for all health providers to advise pregnant women to undergo this scan. This is basically done in the first trimester or to be precise between 10-13 weeks and is used in conjunction with blood test/maternal serum biochemistry. This scan is important to identify Down Syndrome. According to my friend whose wife has had experience giving birth in Malaysia, scan was done almost every month to check on the baby. However, according to my boss, serum biochemistry screen done serially is a better predictor of baby’s wellbeing.

This scan cost ~ $390, medicate rebatable $90.

3. Morphology Scan – This is basically done in second trimester; 14 – 20 weeks in conjunction with a triple test (the use of 3 markers hence the name triple test) ie blood test. This is mainly designed as a risk estimate for Down Syndrome and certain chromosomal abnormalities, such as neural tube defects, spina bifida, trisomy 21 and trisomy 18.

This scan cost ~ $(not too sure, gotta check this one out).

So, I’ve basically booked for my first hospital visit for now and will try booking for ultrasound next week. That’s about the update for now.

It's been confirmed!!

2008-12-29T19:54:00.000+11:00

I am feeling absolutely ecstatic.. probably in euphoric state now!

I went to the doctor yesterday to confirm if I'm pregnant and the doctor just said plainly "No doubt about it!"

Just some updates on symptoms:

1. I didn't have any spotting at all.. and I found out that spotting is the exception and not the rule for being pregnant.
2. No changes of appetite, I can still eat if I want to, and not eat if I don't want to.
3. No cravings or whatsoever, thank God because I don't want to gain anymore weight than I should.
4. I do have some discomfort in the abdomen and according to the doctor, my womb is adjusting itself to support the growing embryo.
5. My morning sickness (atypical to be called morning sickness because nausea happens throughout the day) is bearable but is worse when I'm hungry.
6. Today particularly was bad as I can feel my tiredness almost consumed all of me. I couldn't concentrate at work, and I yawn every 5 minutes! Still, tiredness is normal in pregnancy.
7. My breast has started to sore since the last few days. It was pretty bad that I couldn't even touch it!

All in all, I am coping well at 5 weeks now and I hope it will remain so for the rest of the pregnancy.

I was told by my best friend to eat well.. hence I am making sure I do so. On top of normal diet, I am figuring out what supplements to take. According to my doctor, any supplement that says for pregnancy and breast-feeding should be safe to take.

The brand I'm taking is Enervite: Pregnancy & Breast Feeding Super Gold but I know the increasingly popular brand of late is Elevite though it's on a pricey side. So, I settled for something more affordable.

On top of the multi-vitamin, I am also taking Fish Oil because I read that Fish Oil is excellent for baby's brain development, Vitamin C, Vitamin E, CoQ10 and Calcium. Only the latter is included in the multivitamin, but I believe the total doses are still alright.

I have so much planning to do and I just don't know where to start. Gotta book for first trimester check-up with the hospital and ultrasound. Just at work today, I thought about getting ready some baby's stuffs. I guess I have to go back to Malaysia and get my niece's clothes!

Something strange happened, when I found out that I'm pregnant though. I didn't have the urge to find out the baby's sex! I can check for my baby's sex myself at 9-10 weeks (ar... if you don't already know, I'm a scientist!) although normal ultrasound can only reveal baby's sex at 18-20 weeks. Still, I didn't have the urge nor desire at all to find out. Before I wanted to but now, what is more important is that I want a healthy baby. Part of the reason was also because I wanted it to be a surprise and I don't want people to start making judgement if they know I have a girl or a boy! A surprise it shall be, so don't bother asking me later on if it's a boy or a girl!

Hubby is taking the news pretty well, and he knows he needs to be prepared and go through this period with me. I am so proud of him. I am so looking forward to be a mummy, but a parent, not quite yet!

A baby changes everything

2008-12-26T11:49:00.000+11:00

I couldn't believe it still, it will take a while for me to accept this news. The first test gave a pretty light and feint band, but the test I took a day after clearly showed a stronger band.

I reckon I should go to the doctor to confirm, and probably start making an appointment for my first trimester test and ultrasound!!! Wooooooooooo........you have no idea how I am feeling right now. I haven't been sleeping well because I'm way too excited.. I feel like screaming now! I know I know.. compose myself... *clearing my throat*...

I guess, this is the best Christmas news for me. I remembered saying in my other blog earlier this year, that 2008/2009 will be an exciting year for me and truly, the faith and belief has come to pass. Another thing which I realize is, God is pleased when we honour our words.. For this I meant, my husband. He is a man of his words and he keeps his promise. I on the other end, trusted him for giving me his words and submitted to his request. I can truly feel that God is pleased and hence, the baby as the gift.

On a different note, the church were shown a video clip as part of the Christmas message. I thought I'd share it with you all..

A Baby Changes Everything - Faith Hill

Teenage girl, much too young
Unprepared for what’s to come
A baby changes everything

Not a ring
On her hand
All her dreams and all her plans
A baby changes everything
A baby changes everything

The man she loves she’s never touched
How will she Keep his trust
A baby changes everything
A baby changes everything

And she cries, oh she cries

She has to leave, go far away
Heaven knows she can’t stay
A baby changes everything

She can feel it’s coming soon
There’s no place, there’s no room
A baby changes everything
A baby changes everything

And she cries and she cries oh she cries

Shepherds all gather round …
Star shines down…

Choir of Angels say
Glory to the newborn king
A baby changes everything, A baby changes everything, everything,
everything, every day Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

My whole life is turned around
I was lost and now I’m found
A baby changes everything
A baby changes everything

Sheer exhilaration

2008-12-24T22:15:00.000+11:00

I was having mixed feelings all throughout the week. I don't even know what I was supposed to be feeling. Part of me wants to get pregnant, part of me was sceptical, part of me didn't want to put such high hopes and part of me was thrilled should I be pregnant and etc.. etc... etc....

I was waiting for my period to be due, which is TODAY in order to take a home pregnancy test. I was very hesitant and thought to myself, perhaps I should wait for another week. Because by then, I will know, I AM REALLY pregnant, because of all the things happening. Then again, something prompted me to test.

Apart from the most inherent sign being nauseous, I was also tired. I didn't sleep well at all last night, despite feeling absolutely sluggish lately at work and by the time I come home, I was all spent! This is very unlikely and I notice the changes in me. So last night, I had a dream. I dreamt that I tested for pregnancy and it was positive. In my dream, I was absolutely thrilled and overjoyed! When I woke up, I felt very encouraged, then again, my lack of faith prevailed. I doubted but I have asked the Lord to help me with my faith, as I needed His strength and courage.

Hence, I was still battling within myself, to test or not to test as I walked to the bathroom (which is 10 steps away) in the morning. Morning urine contains the highest amount of hCG hormone, so I thought, maybe I should just go ahead with it.

So, I took the test.. 15 or 20 seconds passed, I saw how the absorption was happening and it reached the negative line (darker red), no.. the positive line (pink) was before the negative line. If it's positive, shouldn't the pink line be showing now? Still nothing.. I felt an immediate discouragement, despair..it's alright, I said, praise the Lord.... then I read the instruction note again, it said to only start looking at the result between 3-10 minutes. Alright, let's just take a quick shower and see how it goes... it probably took me about 5 minutes but I think I lost count of the time.

As I stepped out of the shower, I took a look at the strip.. and this was what I saw..

My jaw literally dropped ! I cannot believe it, is this for real? Is it a true band or a false band? Could it have showed because of evaporation? I wish someone can confirm so I don't have to test another time. Pregnancy test kit is not really that cheap, you know? Oh.. I still was shocked although I have expected it.. still, this is unbelievable! This also proved that my symptoms corroborated with this pregnancy result.

I couldn't concentrate at work. I casually told my husband, and he as expected wanted me to double confirm it! It was also Christmas eve, and I was absolutely thrilled. This could be the best Christmas gift, EVER! I got home later (my boss actually let us off early) and I confirmed with my sister. She also said, it looks like it's positive. Surprisingly, no one believed that I may actually be PREGNANT!

Oh well, let's see how it goes for another week. I think we need time for reality to sink in. It's still unbelievable although not impossible that I AM pregnant.. gosh, I am PREGNANT! ok... I better not dwell in this, else I collapse in excitement!

Is it just me or my mind?

2008-12-20T10:07:00.000+11:00

This should be the end of week 3, should I be pregnant. I started feeling a little bit queasy 3 days ago and everyday since, in an on and off period. Initially, I thought perhaps, I was hungry, then I ate but the feeling still came back even after I had food. So, what is it?

The feeling isn't as nauseous as it could be, still bearable. By this time, I would be experiencing abdominal pain indicating the coming of my next period, but I don't really have that pain.

Some say, I would be experiencing abdominal cramp, which is very similar to period pain if I'm pregnant. Hm... I can only wonder!

Oh well, that's my latest update.

Week 3

2008-12-14T14:14:00.000+11:00

Having done a reproductive health course for my masters degree, I have to admit that I am still not fully certain that what I studied is helpful since I am experiencing pregnancy myself. How ironic!

Based on what I know and what I've read from many websites, one has to determine what stage of pregnancy they are at and also most importantly know what their EDD (expected date of delivery) is. Note that I am writing all these assuming, I am pregnant.

So, should I be pregnant now, theoretically I am 3 weeks pregnant.

Weeks 1 and 2 are mostly consumed with ovulation and fertilization process. So, realistically, one is not pregnant, but they still count this as part of the pregnancy term.

Week 3 is thereby implantation stage.

Week 4 is when I should be expecting my period but I should miss it, should I be pregnant.

Let's focus on week 3 for now.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been experiencing some feeling from my tummy. Perhaps, I am too paranoid and I really am watching out for any feeling that I may encounter. So far, just some slight discomfort, albeit like period pain although my period is still 10 days away.

Still no spotting nor breast tenderness. I'm beginning to doubt.

a) Perhaps, I didn't ovulate.

b) Perhaps, we missed the egg or we were too early.

c) Perhaps, due to genetic disorder, embryogenesis couldn't take place.

All in all, I think I should cease worrying about whether or not I'm pregnant. Let's just wait for another week!

Fitting into one's plan

2008-12-13T21:59:00.001+11:00

I have been married since February 18, 2006. Ever since my first married day, I've been preparing myself, mentally and physically for a baby. I always knew I wanted to have children, regardless of how I am being influenced by my husband's unreadiness for children and through observation on why people have children.

I have been waiting eagerly and patiently for my husband to agree, as a family to start trying for a baby. To cut the story short, my husband finally agreed, much to my anticipation. It was such an overwhelming feeling to know that he has agreed to have kids. We will officially try for one in December this year.

I should have blogged earlier to share my journey in having my first baby, but I guess it's still not too late.

1. MENSTRUAL CYCLE

I have a pretty regular though not exactly accurate menstrual cycle. I may be late a couple of days or at worst I've experienced was 2 weeks late, but never earlier than 28 days. This led me to believe that my menstrual cycle is on average 30-35 days and not the archetypal 28 days. Hence, you can imagine, how hard it is to time the fertile period. However, over the last couple of months, my cycle has been predictable.

In September, we did try on the day I noticed the changes in my cervical mucus. To me, it was basically a hit or miss. Therefore, we weren't diligent in trying. Inside me, I was hoping that it would be a hit! As days passed, I thought I would be pregnant or perhaps my mind has been playing on me. Soon, as I was about to have my period, I had spotting, light and slightly brown, well not really brown, just not fresh red blood! I was thrilled.. and so I waited.. the next day came, so did my period! =( argh.. it was so disappointing!

In October, 2008 I had my period on the 26th. As I watched out for the fertile period ie the 14th day, I did notice that my cervical mucus was sticky and clear white in colour or as they say, it has the consistency of an egg white. I've thought of using an ovulation kit, but I was battling within myself. I wanted the baby to be 'God-given' if you know what I mean. Anyway, unfortunately, the environment wasn't ideal for making babies, hence we had to give it a miss that month. Oh well, December will be the month then.

November 24th, my period came. It was pretty accurate and early for once!
I used a web-based ovulation calculator to determine the fertility window, I thought we'd be alright for babymaking. My most fertile period is from 5-11th December, oh I would be giving too much away if I even say when we did our baby making, so you figure it out yourself, at your own discretion, please.

Days passed, I didn't feel anything, which of course is normal. But since yesterday, I've started feeling slight discomfort in my tummy. At one time, it was a sharp pain which didn't last very long. Then after dinner, the pain was just like before my period is due. My tummy or rather, lower tummy felt a slight warm feeling. I felt slightly weak just like when I am having my period.

This morning however, the pain subsided.

In my heart, I want to believe that I'm pregnant but I do not want to be disappointed.

My next step is to wait for some spotting, before my period is due again. Wish me all the best!

Whatever it is, I want to give praise to the Lord and I want to hold on to God's promise in our lives.

Babies

2008-03-24T12:07:00.001+11:00

Still planning!